The Cool Joker

 "So, what's your excuse this time?" 

"This time, I won't deny that I didn't study. I just couldn't."

The rusty fan came alive, making that weird noise - like it was laughing at me. 

Did i just make another joke?

"Oh, you dare say that straight to my face? 

Tell me honestly, when did you sleep yesterday." 

"Past 4"

"And woke up at?" 

"6:45..." 

"Do you take this as a comedy? And just how can you still stand he...." 

Interrupting the speech: 

Habit. It's been like this for nearly 4-5 years. Well, specifically, after that. 

And yes, i do feel sleepy - most of the time. 

I feel it in my bones and tiny fragments... that i need a life that's not this complex. 

Lost to express my feelings, always angry, devastated, tired, depressed, worried and God knows what else.

And those few hours of sleep don't even feel like i own that sh*t anymore. Yeah, i was awake - my mind, at least. 

Felt like my body is shredding, that drr-tuck sound of bones cracking. Muscles tightening, like i’m diving deep into the sea on a single breath. 

All this pain... just to wake up, put on a fake smile, and go back to being the cool-ass joker, the best there ever was.